Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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