Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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