I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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