its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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