all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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