No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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