I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you mean i was at the winter classic?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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