420 ftw
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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