Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
