The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
