Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
