I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
