bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
