New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
