Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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