best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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