I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
