Just fell off a train. Bad.
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
