oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
