Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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