Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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