I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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