he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
