ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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