I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
