bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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