That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
