I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
