i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
