First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
