He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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