At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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