He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
