I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
