I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize