remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
3pm strippers are depressing
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
