How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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