the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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