You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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