I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
