hell yes lets make some ravioli
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
