I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
