think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize