her vagine was all disorganized.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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