Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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