he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
