ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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