for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
