I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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