she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
