After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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