Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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