Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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