What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
