I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
