i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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