i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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