Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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