If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
