So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
