Im at strip club and am horny
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
