Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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