But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
