I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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