A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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