Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
