I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
