You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
