Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
