My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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