margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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