Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words: eviction party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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