it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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