Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
