I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
