I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
