Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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