Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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