Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
