It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
