The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
