i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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