i think i have two assholes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize