i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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