i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
