dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
