yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
