OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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