so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
