so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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