I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
