Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
