I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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