I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
