It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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