My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize