so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
