Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
